I remember I was 12 years old when I had my first same-sex crush. I played on a travel soccer team. The best player on our team happened to be very pretty. I remember realizing this crush and not knowing what it meant. I cried hysterically in my room that night thinking, “I can’t be gay!” My mom came in and asked me what was wrong. I told her that I thought I had a crush on my teammate. She sat down and told me that it probably wasn’t a crush, but perhaps I was “jealous” of how good she was or how pretty she was. My mom then said it was ok and that I should get some rest. I remember thinking she was wrong.
More than 10 years later I now know that she was wrong.
It wasn’t until high school that I realized I wanted to date girls. Unfortunately, I was internally homophobic and rejected that realization. However, my senior year I let go of my belief that being interested in the same-sex was somehow wrong or immoral. I let go of my fear that people would judge me or hate me. I no longer cared.
Being an athlete was crucial to this enlightenment. I was surrounded by friends, some of whom were also interested in girls, and teammates who were supportive. I was involved on a team that was inclusive and respectful. Looking back, it was actually my teammates and friends (most of whom are still my close friends) that helped form my confidence to be myself.
This carried over into college. My freshman year I walked onto a Division I women’s basketball team. Luckily, I was not the only “out” LGBT person in the locker room. In fact, I had an “out” head coach. The environment that she created was welcoming and inclusive. She made sure that respect was the number one ingredient in our team. I still believe that respect is key to a great TEAM.
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